Evolution 2010

When I was 19 years old I had this crazy friend who inspired and challenged me in all kinds of shocking ways. My life was changing drastically at that time, and she was just the friend I needed to give me a nudge. I suppose every 19 year old feels this evolution whether their changes are as drastic as mine or not. I came to learn that it is only through struggle and challenge that we really find change, and change can be okay.Fast forward to 2010 and I find myself evolving once again. This past few months have challenged me in unexpected ways. My life hasn't really changed, but my sense of my self and my role in my life has taken a little journey and come to some realizations. Some of these things have been sudden realizations, while others have been percolating for a while now; edging their way in and evolving slowly. Some things have yet to be resolved, and this is as it should be.
One thing I know for sure: mid 30 is not the same as early 20.
Nope.
This decade of my life is a whole new shift. I'm finding wrinkles and fat in places I never anticipated, which is hard enough to deal with, but the emotional changes have sent me reeling. I'm starting to come out on the other side of total confusion and frustration and let things settle in and take their places on stage. The truth is I think I'm just now sorting through all the changes I made when I left my teaching job in the spring of 2008. I posted the following quote back then and it seems to apply once again.

And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

— Anais Nin

Comments

  1. What a personal little glimpse into your new year. I understand change can be so challenging and rewarding at the same time and the many roles we play as wives, friends, moms, sisters, daughters etc can sometime overshadow all the effort it takes to just be one's own self. Thanks for reminding me to celebrate me, in all my crazy and every changing ways. I miss you!

    I have a whole basket of Heather things to send your way (sling, book, bottle)!!!

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  2. I think you have to not finished your thoughts all the way. It seems to be a friction of a "bigger picture".

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  3. When I read your older post the opening seemed so true to me--as soon as you get comfortable with/doing something things change. I guess that is what keeps creatures of habit and rhythm like me moving in forward motion, but the constant rediscovery is somethings hard to swallow.

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  4. bloom baby bloom! just wait till you hit mid 40's where I'm at :)

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  5. I've been missing your posts lately, but I firmly believe - and I always have - that one must do what it takes to take care of ones self. I call it recharging my batteries. My life seems out of sorts when I haven't taken time to do something for myself that I truely love. And it may be as simple as turning off the tv, the phone and enjoying the quiet for once! I also hear you on life in your 30's! I always think of myself as perpetually 28, but this year, I've seen a few age wrinkles and I'm not really lovin' that one...
    Hugs to you!

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  6. Oh Heather, I've missed you! I agree with Meg, though -- it is SO important to do what is important for YOU to stay healthy and whole as a person.

    You know I believe in you. I'm not entirely sure what's at the heart of this shift for you, but I want you to know that I think you are an incredibly talented and beautiful woman. No matter what the voice inside your head says to you when you step on the scale or look in the mirror, remember that YOU are the only person who sees yourself that way. Everyone else sees only the beauty you project to the world. So for what it's worth, I think you're amazing and I fully believe in a bit of rebirth from time to time. It does the soul a lot of good. :-)

    P.S. -- Glad to see you blogging a bit again. My life isn't the same without a little Living Senses. :-)

    xoxo

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