Tuesday, July 28, 2009

5'6"

Summer is not my favorite season. The Mail Man says I get "fussy" when I'm hot, and he is right. Oh how right he is. Though fussy might not cover the full extent of my mood. Fussy might be too nice. Summer was hard for me when I was responsible only for myself. Now that there are two other little fussy people around I'm thinking summer is potentially my least favorite season. Let's just say I've had my fair share of ugly Mom moments recently. It seems the moment we stop entertaining the girls they start fighting. It's like combustion. Instant combustion. I've taken to loud sighs. Lots of them. All day long.

When Hadley was little she used to say " how come (make a loud sigh here)"? These days she just ignores me and carries on.

Now Amelia looks at me and says "what, Mom"?

They know. They know that this sighing of mine is not a good thing. If I'm honest I know it, too.
Somehow I need to learn to relax and enjoy the last few weeks of summer. School will be here before I know it and then I'll miss having them both here all day. It seems hard to believe now when I'm in the thick of things, but I know it will be true. Even more true is the knowledge that soon enough they will be too big to care about fighting with each other over dolls and annoying me all together.

Yesterday Hadley went in for her annual check-up and at the last minute I asked the Dr. how tall she thought Hadley would grow to be. Before she told me I almost backed out. Do I really want to know? What about this information feels so ominous? Before I could stop her she said it: 5'6".

I almost burst into tears right there on the spot. My little girl will be grown. It's not the 4 inches she'll have over me that made me emotional. It's not the inches at all. It's the possibility that statement holds for her. The possibility of being something outside of me, something more than just my kid. The knowledge that she's going to keep growing up whether I sigh and yell and get all fussy and hot because things aren't going the way I'd like. Hearing those numbers made me stop and think once again about how much I need to chill out and live with her now. Right now before it's too late. It didn't stop us from having a doozy of a run in when I told her she needed a nap later that afternoon, but it did seep in and rock my soul.

We went straight to the bank after that appointment and opened her college savings account.

10 comments:

  1. My Mom always says to me to stop and cherish the moment. They will grow up faster than we want them to and the fuzzy moods they might have will go by so fast.

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  2. Love this post, Heather. Love how it ended...and had no idea where it was going when I started.

    I know ALL ABOUT those long loud "mom sighs". I grew up with them -- and even though I'm not a Mom, I use them from time to time.

    And in further proof that we are BFF -- Joe calls me "fussy" every summer. It's hilarious, actually - and helps me calm down. I hate nothing more than being hot and uncomfortable. Summer is definitely my least favorite season.

    but you knew that :)

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  3. It is amazing how fast they grow up. Isha went to "summer camp" for a week and it was really strange when I picked her up the first day. I almost felt like she was a different child because now there was a part of her life that she had lived that I didn't experience. It was such a strange feeling, but at the same time I was proud of her for being so brave.

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  4. I hope you girls can stay cool and enjoy the rest of the summer without any big issues! It's always hard to just live in the moment, but I guess we have to keep on trying! Good for you for opening up the college fund!

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  5. I hate summer beyond belief. Well, not summer so much as HOT weather. 90 and above. I dread hot weather all year round. I don't know how I survived growing up in the desert! I've really been trying to embrace the summer, because I don't really enjoy rushing through any season (though I never can wait for Fall - love love love it). On Hadley and Amelia - I don't have kids, but you tugged at my heartstrings anyway. The good and bad news is ... they'll always be your babies. :)

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  6. Hehe! I had one of those moments last night. The struggle with stress reduction, i.e., simplifying life... You'd think it would be "simple" to do, if ONLY it was! You're aware of it all, a great mom and will find a great solution!!

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  7. It's an emotional ride - motherhood. We can go from frustrated to joyous to sad and back again in the span of a minute. Try not to be too hard on yourself for the times when it's tough.

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  8. Well. I just loved this post so much. I've been feeling rather tapped-out lately, too, like yesterday morning it was only 9a.m. and I was already in the thick of a power struggle with the littlest one and wondering how in heck we were gonna make it through the day while wishing for bedtime. Thanks for your honesty - it's good to know I'm not the only "sigher" out there. ~sigh~

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  9. Oh, Heather. This is one of the most beautiful and heartfelt posts I've ever read.

    I SO know what you mean about summer. It's always been hard for me -- especially July. This year it's been easier (perhaps because I can wear shorts and T-shirts instead of suits all summer long) but I too, am dealing with kiddo attitude that makes me sigh. And the thing is, (I'm sure you would agree) these kids of ours are great kids. It's that 10% of the time that they're irritable, or fussy, or grumpy, or downright argumentative that make us so crazy. As for myself, it's those rough moments that stick in my mind and color my mood for the rest of the day.

    I don't know if there's a short-term solution-- I'm just trying to get through the day myself. But I know this: I admire your determination to cherish your girls now before the little kid days disappear. I think many parents might just sigh their way through their kids' childhood entirely.

    Anyway, I'm right there with you, my friend. And I can tell you from experience that 5'6" is quite an enjoyable perspective from which to see the world. When your girl gets there, I'm positive she will look back and not change a thing. *hug*

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  10. Summer is not my favorite either. I'm almost more stressed when there is less structure and such. I'm desperately trying to harness relaxed feelings and slowness. Here's to enjoying the moment...

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