Summer is not my favorite season. The Mail Man says I get "fussy" when I'm hot, and he is right. Oh how right he is. Though fussy might not cover the full extent of my mood. Fussy might be too nice. Summer was hard for me when I was responsible only for myself. Now that there are two other little fussy people around I'm thinking summer is potentially my least favorite season. Let's just say I've had my fair share of ugly Mom moments recently. It seems the moment we stop entertaining the girls they start fighting. It's like combustion. Instant combustion. I've taken to loud sighs. Lots of them. All day long.
When Hadley was little she used to say " how come (make a loud sigh here)"? These days she just ignores me and carries on.
Now Amelia looks at me and says "what, Mom"?
They know. They know that this sighing of mine is not a good thing. If I'm honest I know it, too.
Somehow I need to learn to relax and enjoy the last few weeks of summer. School will be here before I know it and then I'll miss having them both here all day. It seems hard to believe now when I'm in the thick of things, but I know it will be true. Even more true is the knowledge that soon enough they will be too big to care about fighting with each other over dolls and annoying me all together.
Yesterday Hadley went in for her annual check-up and at the last minute I asked the Dr. how tall she thought Hadley would grow to be. Before she told me I almost backed out. Do I really want to know? What about this information feels so ominous? Before I could stop her she said it: 5'6".
I almost burst into tears right there on the spot. My little girl will be grown. It's not the 4 inches she'll have over me that made me emotional. It's not the inches at all. It's the possibility that statement holds for her. The possibility of being something outside of me, something more than just my kid. The knowledge that she's going to keep growing up whether I sigh and yell and get all fussy and hot because things aren't going the way I'd like. Hearing those numbers made me stop and think once again about how much I need to chill out and live with her now. Right now before it's too late. It didn't stop us from having a doozy of a run in when I told her she needed a nap later that afternoon, but it did seep in and rock my soul.
We went straight to the bank after that appointment and opened her college savings account.