Monday, January 28, 2008

I just don't know.

I have not been ignoring my sweet friend Dunya, who requested a price for the bowls I posted about earlier this month. In fact I've been thinking about it a lot. And I just don't know. I'm thinking I would like to make many, many more, however. And use them to start my ETSY shop. So I think I should figure out how much to charge.

Wanna vote? I'm stealing Holli's idea and asking for your opinion on the price for the bowls. So vote on the poll at the side and I'll let you know.

Also, in Dunya's same comment she noted how centered I seem to be. Well, let me tell you friends, I'm loving my new passion for creating, but I'm a here to tell you that it's a direct result of me having very little clue about what to do about my job. Which is about to kill me. I've had a total of about a week where I felt good about being a teacher this year. The rest of the time I'm rather plagued by frustration and wonder at why I am sacrificing so much of my time to teach meaningful classes when they don't seem to be appreciated. It's really been a source of conflict for me this year. Wondering if I wasted all my schooling years studying to be a teacher and now not loving it is really stressful.

I keep telling myself that the education will never be a waste. No matter what I become when I grow up. If I ever grow up.

I also keep telling myself that my students will look back and thank me later. Just like I have with my teachers. But sitting in the middle of it. Right here, right now, it's a great source of conflict for me. So I'm finding my way, and looking for more inspiration on what to do about the conflict. Of course there's the issue of a paycheck, too. Sort of necessary at this juncture.

So this year is a bit of a fork in the road for me. I'm not ready to make a choice because both paths seem very....scary and unlit. But I'll figure it out. Because that's what we do, right? We just figure it out as we go along.

5 comments:

  1. Big Hugs, Heather! I'm sorry work has you down, confused and a little bit scared. That's frustrating...and you are right - you'll find a path (whether teaching or otherwise) that feels right and is happy. I know you will. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. Time is the ultimate answer I have found...all things come or heal with time. Also I have recently re-learned that the phrase "if only" will get us no where except to the land of frustration and/or depression. We can never win with the phrase "if only." I know that went to school and got a great education for a purpose...probably several purposes and it may not only be to be a teacher. Continue to search for answers out side of the box...and never look back and say "if only"

    ReplyDelete
  3. As for Etsy, as someone who made the plunge, I say do it!!! I spent weeks researching existing shops with similar wares on Etsy, and I'm still playing with my prices. I'm very very happy to share any knowledge or lessons learned that I can with you. You already have three of the major skills needed: creativity, passion for what you're creating, and super genius creativity with computers (banner, flick mosaic, surveys queen!). It's fun and pretty danged thrilling when you actually sell something (and then patience and tenacity when you don't).

    I'm excited for you!

    As for work, I think everything has a reason and purpose, and what you ultimately decide may only make sense many years from now. You'll know what to do, though it can be agonizing to get there...

    Still excited for you!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Maybe this was just a bad group of kids and maybe next year they will be better? You should check into teaching Kindermusik. Isha and I are starting next week so I will tell you all about it.

    I feel the same way about being a nurse. Most of my patients are rude and unappreciative. It is such a let down because you go to work feeling like you are going to change the world and you work your butt off and then someone has the nerve to complain because they didn't like their dinner. Like I have control over that! Sometimes I think about starting another career or going back to school to do something else.

    The right answer will come to you I know it and when it does you will be that much more thankful becuase you lived through this hard part!

    ReplyDelete
  5. H-I have been at a similar crossroads before and it is SO hard. Teaching is such a seed planting that the flowers only grow when they are gone from you. I think it is okay to say enough for now, if you need to, and know that you have made an impact - even if you can't see it. I think of T and all of my music teachers and know that they changed my life. I met Shawn because I am a musician-ish person and was in a musical with him. I am thankful to all of my choir teachers for that very fact. But at the same time, misery is misery and if your heart leads you to another path...that can be a great thing too. -S

    ReplyDelete