I've recently been noticing that there are about 4 girls at Hadley's school (all only children) who are "ranking" one another socially. I guess there is a little power structure going on, and it is causing me some concern. I suppose I thought this wouldn't start until 4th grade, but these girls have already figured out how to manipulate each other socially. It's not something I have ever been excited about dealing with. When I was in school I hated life from about 5th grade to 10th grade. I wasn't unique in that I just didn't know where I fit in, but there was a strong group of girls who tended to control the center of power socially, and I always felt just outside the loop. Now Hadley is coming home talking about a little girl who "decides" if she will be friends with Hadley each day. ( And If she doesn't want to be friends Hadley plays with another little girl, but if she does Hadley won't play with the other girl in order to be close to "queen bee".) I'm panicking just a little. I don't want to deal with this social stuff. I don't know whether to take this seriously and take action or to let it pass knowing that it will end in May with this group. At least next year I'll know her teachers and the other students better and I can be more in on what is really happening. It's all so crazy!! How do they learn this stuff so young?


  1. Oh Man, Heather! This is something I think about a lot too; and I don't even have kids of my own. You might want to check out Rosalind Wiseman's book "Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence". While it may be a bit "old" for where Hadley is in her life, the cliques, gossip and social hierarachy section might be insightful. Good Luck.

  2. Thank you for that suggestion!!! I need that for my students, too. It sounds like a GREAT book.

  3. Yes, I think the author just wrote a new version about Queen Bee's in the world of motherhood. Very interesting topic.

    I noticed this in my own life and my teaching career. Honestly, the little girls who were really good at being the "Queen Bee" at such an incredibly young age I thought had to be learning from someone.....perhaps their moms????


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